Seems like relationships today have shifted a bit over the past decade or so. When I was a boy my mom and dad would spend time each day, usually at the dinner table, just talking to each other, with respect and love. No matter what the subject was the person listening always had a kind word of encouragement. Although there are many relationships which still communicate, yet there are as many that don’t communicate the way they did when first met.
Think how a relationship starts, you meet that person who lights up your heart, everyday is a new surprise! We tell our friends how amazing they are and the exciting time spent together. Our partner is always on our mind, we do everything we can to make them feel special and loved…But…Over time…Could be a few months or a few years something changes we start to forget how that person made us feel. Not to mention how we tend to treat them as time drifts on. The law of familiarity takes effect.
We’ve entered into a new phase in our relationships. One of decline. The spark which ignited the flame as since gone out.
I met my wife in high school, we enjoyed spending time together doing the things we both enjoyed, as years went by we got married and had a family. After nearly 40 years we are still together and going strong. However as we look back on our friends from school the story is quite different. Most of our friends are divorced and re-married. Sometimes as we grow old we grow apart which causes friction in relationships and leads to divorce.
I witnesses this first hand with a close friend. We both met our wives in school and later married, had kids and bought a nice house for our families. However his path took a different turn. When I’d go over the house there was tension almost every time, the conversation would start out with a list of things his wife was not doing or was doing which frustrated him. It was quite upsetting to watch as time went on, the kids would sometimes be in the middle and have to choose sides. So when I received a call one day from his wife telling me they were getting a divorce I was not surprised.
So what happened? What can be done to repair this condition?
Truth is they both decided to end their relationship, repair was not an option. What went wrong? Can this happen to the next relationship? If we treat our loved one at the end of the relationship the way we did in the beginning there will be no end. Think about how we treat our partner in the beginning, we don’t impose rules or barriers which curve their beliefs. However over time that changes and if they don’t agree with our beliefs, the level of respect and love diminishes and the relationship struggles, frustration is now the norm and every little thing they do “gets under your skin.” Our rules for them have taken the place of our love for them.
Let go of rules and appreciate them for that person you fell in love with. Let your heart be your guide and forget those rules. Remember how you felt on the first day you met! Excitement and surprise were a part of each day, time didn’t matter, all that did matter was to be together. Unconditional love for each other dominated your relationship.
Shift your focus of control to that of love, remember what attracted you to your partner, begin each day going forward is like the first day you met. Take ownership in what is important in your partners life, communicate in a way to encourage their beliefs. Life is a gift an so is a relationship or love and respect.
Where you focus goes energy flows. Treat your partner the way you did in the beginning and you’ll never have an end!
~Stay Strong~
Did this help you? If so I would greatly appreciate it if you commented below and shared on Facebook.
~Steven~
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